A Breakdown Of The ‘Too Hot To Deal with’ Contestants

Proper now there’s nothing I’m wanting ahead to greater than Netflix dropping its new trashy actuality courting present, Too Hot To Deal with. Effectively, I’m additionally wanting ahead to the day I can depart my home and benefit from the firm of one other human individual, however I don’t dare to dream that unattainable dream. So actuality TV it’s! Earlier this week I watched the trailer and decided that Too Hot To Deal with goes to be the successor to Love is Blind, solely with extra alcohol, a money prize, and a robotic named Lana who will disgrace the contestants once they attempt to get away with enjoying “simply the tip”. She’s not mad, she’s simply dissatisfied. So, who’re these lucky contestants that get to maintain it of their pants for money? Let’s break them down! 

Chloe is a mannequin who is barely 19. Wow, Netflix. Was this filmed on Jeffrey Epstein’s island? I’m calling the police. Anyway, since Chloe is so younger, search for her to not have the ability to maintain her liquor and slur profess her timeless love for the primary boy that carries round a skateboard and tells her he doesn’t subscribe to relationship labels. In truth, her bio says, “She as soon as fell head over heels for somebody and after solely two weeks she received a tattoo on her collarbone of the date they met”. Let’s hope there aren’t any tattoo artists on this island! 

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It’s rare I do this but more recently I’ve been looking back and looking forward because the right now isn’t too exciting . Being at home so much with less to do than normal, it’s given me time to reflect on what I love about life . 1) Freedom – to travel, to talk, to think, to create, to do. It is a great privilege to do all of them and something that brings me great joy. 2) Flexibility – monotony kills my happiness. I want the variety and the new. New experiences shape our beliefs and allow us to grow as people. Being stuck in the same environment provides no new stimulus to evolve. 3) Family – Riding solo is fun but lacks depth. The more I invest in people, show them my vulnerabilities, flaws and talk openly with them, the deeper our relationships go. . How many of the people you used to hang out with are actually checking in with you at the moment? . By taking this time of a slightly less fast paced life, I’m learning a lot about myself, that I can hopefully take into the future. . What have you learned about yourself recently? . #actionsreflectpriorities

A put up shared by Too Hot To Handle – David (@david.birtwistle) on

David is, clearly, a private coach with a well being and diet information titled “Fats Loss Plan.” Effectively, I suppose It’s all the time good to know they’re not inventive proper out of the gate, proper? David additionally has the longest Instagram captions that I’ve ever seen, so I’m certain he will probably be mansplaining all the principles to the ladies like, “Now see that robotic over there? A robotic is a machine that may discuss, by the way in which. The robotic mentioned that on this island we won’t be able to do any sexual exercise if we need to win cash. Now, sexual exercise consists of kissing and intercourse, however she by no means particularly mentioned that you just couldn’t suck my dick so finest to get on with it, then.”  

Francesca eats plant-based so she might be f*cking depressing to be round, however she positively seems to be nice in a bikini! And in lingerie. And topless. All of that are seems to be that Francesca fashions on her Instagram. In response to her Netflix bio, Francesca is a “free spirit and a thrill-seeker” who’s “not afraid to interrupt the principles.” Uh-oh. So principally, Francesca finally ends up disobeying Lana on night time one, and although she goes dwelling early, she goes dwelling happy.

It seems to be like Netflix was sensible sufficient to forage for contestants in a dumpster on the Jacksonville Hooters! By no means say these casting administrators don’t know what they’re doing. Haley is a enterprise pupil and volunteers at an animal shelter in her free time. How candy! Additionally, in accordance with her bio, she “as soon as received a tattoo achieved in an ‘unknown language’—to at the present time she nonetheless doesn’t know what it says.” I can’t make this up! Florida, you by no means fail to ship. Haley can also be open to exploring relationships with each women and men, which goes to make this recreation an terrible lot more durable for her. Better of luck to you Haley, you by no means even had an opportunity! 

Rattling, Harry already has virtually 150okay followers, and I can’t appear to determine why. Perhaps it’s as a result of he’s 6’5”? He calls himself a “giraffe on ice” in his bio, so clearly he is aware of comedy. Netflix warns that he turns heads as quickly as he walks onto the island, so search for Harry to lose the group a ton of cash, however make a joke about it, and have everybody nonetheless patting him on the again as he turns their checking account crimson. 

Kelechi is 6’6”. What’s with this peak itemizing? We get it! You all have huge d*cks! I’m so glad for you! Now, if solely you didn’t put on that Gucci crossbody bag in every single place, Kelechi, possibly I might care extra. I swear if he brings that to the island, he’s the winner. That factor is a modern-day chastity belt. 

Matthew has a person bun, competed for America’s Subsequent Prime Mannequin, CARRIES A SKATEBOARD, and has many mottos, one in every of which is, “I skinny dip in each sea wherever I’m going.” Oh, poor Chloe. He’s going to neg you all season, sweetheart. Matty is 1,000% on this for the celebrity, so I’m certain we’ll see him displaying his vary of feelings within the hopes of getting forged as Jesus in a Mel Gibson epic when that is over, however as a substitute solely touchdown bit components like “lifeless carpenter #3” on Regulation & Order: SVU. Hey, he may do worse! 

Too Hot To Deal with has not even dropped but, and Nicole has already arrange a Cameo the place you may ebook her for $35. A little wealthy for somebody with lower than 10okay Instagram followers, no? She should be very assured in her edit. Which most likely means she’s the villain who goes after everybody else’s man. She did, apparently, work on yachts “in Chicago for 2 years internet hosting Kanye West, Justin Bieber, and Jay-Z,” so if that doesn’t make you an skilled in consideration whore conduct, I don’t know what does. Oh, and he or she positively speaks with a breathless horny child voice. Only a hunch, however man, she seems to be the sort. 

Rhonda Paul, Georgia, United States

Within the trailer, Rhonda says she would charge herself a 10 out of 10, and it’s laborious to disagree. Usually I hate people who find themselves so conceited, however they’re far more enjoyable on a actuality present than watching somebody mumble into the mirror “you repulse me.” I already get sufficient of that at dwelling! Rhonda claims she is “bored” with the courting scene in Atlanta. A woman that’s tired of the courting scene is both me a lady who spends her Friday nights re-watching outdated Degrassi episodes on YouTube whereas sporting a shirt with three-day-old pizza sauce stains on it, or a lady who has banged her manner via a whole metropolis’s price of males. I’ll allow you to guess which one Rhonda most likely is.

And, as a result of no trashy actuality present is full with out a contestant from my very lovely dwelling state of New Jersey, now we have Sharron. Sharron is a private coach {and professional} children wrestling coach who likes hitting on the mothers and is seemingly extremely comfy with nudity. Anticipate him to be the exhibitionist who in some way by no means has a towel close by when he will get out of the bathe! The place may it have gone?? However in his protection, Sharron says he was born bare, and he’ll die bare. And you’ll’t die bare should you’re not ALWAYS bare. He gained’t be taking the chance of sporting garments, no thanks. 

And people are our Too Hot To Deal with contestants thus far! Could the chances be ever of their favor, and will all of them make fools of themselves on television for my leisure. 

Photos: Netflix; chloeveitchofficial, david.birtwistle, francescafarago, haley.cure, harryjowsey, kelechidyke, matthewstephensmith, nicole.ob, imrhondapaul, sharrontownsendofficial/ Instagram

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